loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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