I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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