so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
