I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
