this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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