i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
