I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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