My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
