I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
