he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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