He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
