i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
