i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
