We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
