it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
