The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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