I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
