I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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