Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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