You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
