I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
