I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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