I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
