i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
