Sponge bath it is.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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