The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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