You can't special order awesome
Ketchup is God's man juice
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
