Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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