I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
