Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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