Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
