just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
