How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize