You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have aggressive nipples.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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