five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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