Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
