There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
