So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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