all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
