Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
