girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
