anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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