you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
