UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize