so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
