i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
