I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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