I smell stomach acid.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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