this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are a genius and a whore.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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