DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
