I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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