After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
