I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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