I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
