If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
