im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
