whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
