We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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