Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh god it's open bar.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
