the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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