Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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