I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
