Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
