I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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