I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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