I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im holly from the hills drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
