before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
