she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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