I got chris browned last night
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
