Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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