is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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