The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
