Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
