wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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