You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
