He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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