is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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