guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
