I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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