i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
