hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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